The Family Importance
Becoming an adult and building adult relationships is sometimes a very complicated thing.
This is especially true when it comes to relationships with our parents.
The difficulty goes both ways.
I know because I am at the age where I have finally built solid relationships with my own folks.
Now I have children who are becoming adults.
It is difficult for both parent and child to alter their previous relationship to each other.
As a parent it is sometimes very hard to back away from the authoritative role when that has been our position for so many years.
It is a parent’s job to instruct and nurture their children and all of a sudden one day they wake up and the child no longer needs or wants their parents to have authority over them.
It is extremely hard for some parents to adjust to their new roles, especially if the child or children have not matured to an adult level.
Many children demand their independence before they are truly able to take care of themselves and that makes it even harder for a parent to let go because they do not want to see their children suffer.
Sometimes that is all that will bring maturity but even knowing that does not ease the burden on most parents.
Many parents have a difficult time seeing their children as anything but their precious babies even when they are old.
Our nature is to protect, something like a mother bear, and we so often do not know when it is time to stop.
I know most of you have seen the commercial where the little girl is asking her dad for the keys to the car as she sits in the driver’s seat.
He is seeing her as his toddler still and in actuality she is a grown young adult.
This commercial is not too far off from the truth when it comes to parents and their children.
Children on the other hand look at us sometimes as the enemy who is trying to suck the joy out of life.
They do not see us as protectors and nurturers but as tyrants who want to ruin their lives.
And as they grow up they feel as if they have to fight to win their independence and break free from the tyrannical dictatorship that is their parents.
For healthy adult relationships both sides need to be apprised of the motivation and feelings of the other side.
We as parents need to share our hearts desires with our children for their future and well being.
And the children need to share their longing for independence and the ability to make their own decisions.
But to successfully do this it needs to start from the time the children are very young.
We need to be sharing our feelings and ideas with them all the way along the trail of life.
And in turn we need to be listening to their hearts desire as well.
We need to continually allow them little freedoms so that they will see what the consequences of their decisions are when they are not life altering consequences.
We need to let them flap their tiny wings just a few feet away from the nest so that we can help them when they fall and let them see how it feels to fly.
Sometimes they will fly and succeed which will instill confidence for future flights.
It is a difficult thing to watch our children fly so young but if we wait until they are adults the consequences can be much harsher for both of us.
We as parents need to encourage our children to make decisions on their own.
If we have walked closely through their young lives with them they will know the right path to chose.
We all make mistakes through life and if we are honest those times have taught us a great deal more than walking through life care free.
As young adults, sometimes it is difficult to pull away from our parents and change the relationship from child to adult.
It may even be a bit painful if the truth is to be told.
Parents are very rarely ready for their child to grow up and sometimes the child has to insist.
I believe that if we have had a close and loving relationship between parents and children that this separation can be handled with love.
Gently letting our parents know that because of their instruction and love we can make it on our own.
Just Let Go
Both sides of the parent/child relationship can be very difficult at times.
There are some parents who will not let go and have to sometimes be forced which can lead to relationships being damaged.
The same thing can be said with some children.
Healthy adult relationships between children and parents can be achieved with understanding and love.
In some families these relationships come naturally because they maintained a healthy balance from the start.
No matter where you are starting from it is possible if we handle each other with love and understanding.
What’s Your Opinion?
- What’s been your success with your parents?
- Did you encourage your children early?
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