Does a Committed Relationship Really Make Us Happy?

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Does a Committed Relationship Really Make Us Happy?

The Road To Happiness

happiness is a committed and loving relationship

Happiness is a committed and loving relationship

I read a lot about people preferring to be single and happy.

As well as couples in a committed relationship who wouldn’t have it any other way.

For the singles, I call bullshit to you.


Male and Female Are Two Pieces To The Puzzle

Despite my own opinion on this, we’re all in search of a mate and partner.

We’re animals are our very core and like any other animal on the planet, our true meaning in life is to find a mate and operate as one.

What makes us different is our brain and ability to block uncomfortable past events from hurting us in the future.

The typical response from a painful past experience i.e our inner self doesn’t want to see us hurt again so we construct unconscious barriers that prevent a recurrence, like telling ourselves that we weren’t made to be with someone.

That’s the downside to being free-thinking intelligent primates.


Are We Happier in Long-Term Relationships? (blog)
In a study … “We qualified happiness in terms of individual satisfaction – the overall satisfaction one has with one’s own life. What this study adds is the comparison to the control group. It seems that marriage does play a role in happiness in the long run, compared to where they would have been (had they stayed single), when we compare to similar-aged individuals who aren’t married,”

Even Sex Proves The Point

I’ve mentioned before there’s a vast difference between ‘making love’ and having sex‘.

The feelings are also different between men and women.

Men in a committed relationship view making love as a structural relationship support mechanism that makes up a major love factor for them i.e. without knowing they’re desired and having engaged love making, they feel less of a man.

Think of it as physical oneness and tied to his self-esteem.

For women, on the other hand, it’s about emotional oneness.

She is more focused on the relationship and more aroused through touch, attitudes, actions and words.

Discover the secrets in getting your ex back in your life

Be that as it may, in a committed relationship and when sex is understood, the mutual desire brings both husband and wife into a mutual oneness that strengthens their bond.


Is casual sex bad for people’s well-being?
The British Psychological Society
Having casual sex can be negatively associated with well-being, new research has suggested. Published in the Journal of Sex Research and entitled “Risky Business – Is There An Association Between Casual SexAnd Mental Health Among Emerging Adults” …


But when it comes to just having sex (in a non-committed relationship), there are many downsides.

Sure, just getting your rocks off with someone is way better than doing it solo (sometimes) but even the search in finding a willing participant can be a right royal pain in the ass (no pun intended).

I remember when I was dating between marriages.

I wanted to find my ultimate and perfect partner (who I’m with now, incidentally).

And I found had a number of negative emotional and physical downsides and sex was certainly one of them.

It can be stressful in thinking where your next encounter will come from, how you need to go about it, who will it be with, what is it going to cost you (yeah, cost is always a factor) and if you’re going to even enjoy the experience.

A committed relationship relieves these burdens and allows an easier path to happiness.


A Committed Relationship Wins The Day

No matter how you justify it, for me anyway, committment equates to trust, loyalty and sharing your life with another.

Living your life alone just isn’t how we’re made to operate and, ultimately, it will leave you wanting and even yearning for the missing piece of the jigsaw.


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Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company – as well as coffee. I’ll talk to almost anyone …. ok, anyone….

Martin – who has written posts on GeekandJock.


  1. Avatar of Mariana
    wrote on October 1st, 2013 at 4:49 am


    I think that committed relationships make us feel important at least for somebody else. And that definitely means happiness. No matter how hard the times you have to face as a couple are, knowing that there is a commitment between you too to make the best out of everything really encourages you to give the best you can.

    • Avatar of Martin
      wrote on October 1st, 2013 at 4:57 pm


      Everything in a relationship is a two-way street, Mariana.
      And it’s the easiest area for one of them to forget – hence problems then arise since the relationship is out of balance.
      Do you think that’s the case in your own past, Mariana?
      Martin recently posted..What Is Flight or Fight Syndrome In A Relationship?My Profile

      • Avatar of Mariana
        wrote on October 2nd, 2013 at 2:55 am


        Hi, Martin!
        It’s true that as a couple everything is a two-way street. I’ve in commitment relationships in the past and I’m in one too with my husband and dad of my baby and one of the things that make me happier of living with him and sharing my life with him is precisely the bond between us, the complicity between us, the way we encourage each other.

        • Avatar of Martin
          wrote on October 2nd, 2013 at 3:02 am


          And what a lil cutie the bubba is too :)
          Yep, there’s no I in Team, is there, Mariana?
          Did you and your hubbie have this ability naturally when you got together or was it an evolution of sorts that grew as your relationship did?
          Martin recently posted..30 Quotes To Get You Through The Rough TimesMy Profile

          • Avatar of Mariana
            wrote on October 2nd, 2013 at 3:11 am


            Thanks a lot! He’s just adorable!
            As regards your question, we learnt to give in and work as a team. Although it came natural to us, it took both of us to develop that ability and keep it over time.

  2. Avatar of Jessamine
    wrote on July 23rd, 2013 at 4:19 pm


    I definitely agree on your views about committed relationships. I’ve been married for 2 years, but have been in a committed relationship for 8. 5 out of those 8 years were spent apart from each other too (we were in a long distance relationship. If anything kept us going, it was our commitment for each other- the trust, loyalty and honesty that we showed towards the other person, and the respect that we had for our relationship :)

      • Avatar of Jessamine
        wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 11:00 am


        In my personal experience, I have found more happiness in a committed relationship, compared to when I was single and dating. Maybe part of it had to do with the expectation others have on you, besides the longing to have a partner. When friends and family constantly ask why you’re single, or if you had any plans to settle down, it automatically puts you on the defensive mode, and that can affect your current state, making you doubt and second guess your happiness.

        • Avatar of Martin
          wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 3:06 pm


          Yeah, pressure from family and friends can get a little tiresome, can’t it?
          It’s funny when I was between marriages, I was never asked about when I’d be settling down. I wonder whether it’s more a cultural thing, Sam?
          What’s your cultural heritage and do you think it could be partially cultural?
          Martin recently posted..Couples Communication – Do It Right and Get More ConnectionMy Profile

          • Avatar of Jessamine
            wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 3:17 pm


            I’m Filipino by background and omg is there ever pressure to settle down! LOL. However, I think, more than cultural, it is also a case of gender. I feel like women get so much more pressure to find the one. If a man is in his lat 30 to early 40s and has still not settled down, he is a bachelor, but if a woman is still single at the same age, then she is an old maid. This type of generalisation is so prevalent in my culture, but I believe it isn’t the only one. Many others have the same thing going too.

            • Avatar of Martin
              wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 9:36 pm


              Oh yeah, that tired old ‘one rule for men and another for women’ rubbish – silly isn’t it?
              Women do get far more pressure about settling down especially in places like the Phillipines where there’s still the notion that men are the better gender. Yikes.
              Martin recently posted..Men Behaving Badly – Fact or Fiction?My Profile

  3. wrote on July 17th, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Sally Brown

    Hi Martin,

    What a great post! I have finally found a wonderful man who knows how to commit and really enjoy a loving, caring and communicative relationship. I waited till I was in my early 60′s to find him, and I’m so glad I have him.

    A committed relationship with a great partner makes the sunshine in one’s life everyday. Even when it’s raining in a normal day or in one’s life. Two handling life issues is much easier than one. Sally

    • Avatar of Martin
      wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 9:51 am


      A big congrats to you Sally in finding your life partner. Ain’t it sweet?
      Do you think life is about balance as well i.e. male/female up/down etc where it really is better to have 2 halves doing the work of life?
      Martin recently posted..30 Quotes To Get You Through The Rough TimesMy Profile

  4. Avatar of Dana
    wrote on July 10th, 2013 at 1:23 pm


    Hey Martin,

    Ahhh, relationships. They sure do spark up some interesting emotions don’t they?

    Speaking for myself, I’ve benefited from being both single and married – which I am now.
    Being single had its challenges – such as the desire for companionship at times while the benefits offered the opportunity to experience some freedom to become independent.
    Being married offers challenges since we’re capable of pushing each other’s buttons, but the benefits are immense growth and self-awareness. And of course, many other advantages.

    Relationships make for some intriguing discussions since we all have such different points of view. I have to hand it to you for creating such a tasteful and fun blog that opens the door to such thought-provoking topics.
    Great post :)
    Dana recently posted..Being Aware of Our Inner-DialogueMy Profile

    • Avatar of Martin
      wrote on July 24th, 2013 at 9:48 am


      As always Dana, some cool insights.
      And for sure, I gained some great insights myself when I was single. Like how I was a freaking idiot towards people, especially with the female gender :)
      All in all though (and for me personally) I wanted to be happy and share and contribute towards happiness with a kindred spirit. Being single, while interesting, didn’t blow my skirt up at all.
      What buttons of yours get pushed? :)
      Martin recently posted..Interview from Phil and Maude MayesMy Profile

  5. Martin Cooney
    wrote on July 9th, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    Martin Cooney

    quite an unusual first comment on this blog post (and a little controversial too). What do you think?

  6. wrote on July 8th, 2013 at 7:06 pm


    I have a man I love but we are not together right now, we are not married, we also have an open relationship though. So I totally disagree with your narrow definition of happiness. I would not marry any but him sex is different. Humans were not meant to be monogamous, especially men. We have grown immensely as people since we have had this relationship and we are both very happy. We are not alone in our lifestyle choices, we have many friends that live the same way and have healthy happy relationships.

    • Avatar of Martin
      wrote on July 10th, 2013 at 2:16 pm


      Hey Vixen. Thanks for the visit and the interesting comment too.

      Sounds like an uncommon relationship lifestyle that you have there and that’s a good thing. If it’s working for you guys then all power to you.

      I’m don’t see that I’ve defined what happiness is so a comment about it being narrow is confusing. That said, I’ll disagree with you that humans (especially men) aren’t ‘meant’ to be monogamous. I’m sure your point of view might hark back to primal days which is a bullshit argument since animals do evolve and change (hopefully) for the better.

      Great to see you and friends are in healthy happy relationships – you’ve committed to your own relationship choice and are happy which is exactly what my post was about so we actually do agree :)
      Martin recently posted..Behind The Mask – Everyone is WeirdMy Profile

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