I Did It Myyyy Way!

masturbation is healthy and women can do it too

Masturbation is healthy and women can do it too!

Since my marriage fell apart and I ultimately got divorced, I have found myself changing, learning, and growing in ways I didn’t expect.

Thanks to my loving friends and family, a solid therapist, and my blog, I have been staring down my past and sorting what it means for my future.

Perhaps the most exciting and unexpected change in my life was posing the question: ‘Is Masturbation Healthy?’ and then my discovery of masturbation.

I was in a sexless relationship for seven years.

My ex-husband loved and still loves me, but he couldn’t be intimate with me, despite our efforts with erectile dysfunction drugs and multiple therapists.

He rarely touched me in a sexual way, and when he did, it was clear that he was just waiting for it to be over.

This was devastating.

Now you would think I would take matters into my own hands and masturbate.

Well, I really can’t explain why, but I didn’t. Once in awhile I would try, but never with any success. Instead, I would lie beside my husband, craving his touch, and would silently cry myself to sleep.

From age 26 to 33, I had very, very little sexual sensation of any kind in my life.

It was very lonely.

A month after my divorce was final, I decided it was time to put in the effort and connect with myself.

I bought a vibrator and hoped it might work for me.

I am pleased to share with you that thanks to my new toy, my first orgasm post-divorce was thanks to me and my Honey Bunny!

It’s been several months, and I now masturbate regularly and I absolutely love it!


How masturbation has changed my life:

  1. I feel empowered.
    • I had always relied on men for my sexual pleasure.
    • My ex-husband would not (could not?) deliver, so I was left completely powerless and alone.
    • Now, if I want an orgasm, I can have one and I don’t need anyone else to make it happen.
    • That is just amazing.
  2. I have a fresh perspective on my body.
    • Since I’d always relied on my sexual partner to lead me to orgasm, I am now realizing that perhaps I didn’t know my body as well as I once thought.
    • Masturbation lets me experiment and experience whatever I want without judgment (mine or his).
    • I feel more ownership over my body and sensations.
  3. I am more confident.
    • Thanks to years in a sexless relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder
      • if I was unattractive,
      • if he’s cheating,
      • if he’s gay
      • … all thoughts that didn’t exactly make me feel awesome about myself as a person, wife, or sexual being.
    • Now, I walk around now like I have this little secret: I have orgasms again, and I can have one whenever I want!
    • This special little secret with myself (and now, with you!) makes me walk a little taller.
    • And I have a feeling it will make me a better sexual partner.
Masburation ISN'T a dirty word!

Masturbation ISN’T a dirty word!

So, ladies, if you’re like I was and you think that masturbation just isn’t for you, I would like to encourage you to try masturbation again.

You have nothing to lose and lots to gain!


How to get into the masturbation mood:

  1. Get yourself a toy if you aren’t comfortable using your hands (see The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo for shopping tips).
  2. Let your mind wander, whether it’s thinking about a sexual experience you’ve had or a hot coworker or Brad Pitt.
    1. Personally, I have found the visualization part to be key to getting me in the mood.
  3. Be patient with yourself and do not judge. Notice what is happening in your mind and body as your explore.
    1. Nothing you try, feel, or think is wrong in any way.

And most of all, just relax and let go.

If you’re anything like me, you will be shocked to discover the pleasure you can have all by yourself.


Speak Your Mind Because I Know You Have One

  • Whether your happily married, happily divorced, or somewhere in between, is masturbation healthy in your life?
  • Is this something that came naturally for you or did you have to ease in to it like I did?
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Is Masturbation Healthy? Taking Matters Into My Own Hands With Joy 1

Divorced Kat is 33 years old with no kids, good job, great friends, and single again after eight years with her ex-husband. Her marriage of three years ended in divorce on February 19, 2013. Divorced Kat is documenting the first year of exploration and experimentation as she moves out, starts dating, and whatever else might happen!

Divorced Kat – who has written posts on GeekandJock.