I Did It Myyyy Way!
Since my marriage fell apart and I ultimately got divorced, I have found myself changing, learning, and growing in ways I didn’t expect.
Thanks to my loving friends and family, a solid therapist, and my blog, I have been staring down my past and sorting what it means for my future.
Perhaps the most exciting and unexpected change in my life was posing the question: ‘Is Masturbation Healthy?’ and then my discovery of masturbation.
I was in a sexless relationship for seven years.
My ex-husband loved and still loves me, but he couldn’t be intimate with me, despite our efforts with erectile dysfunction drugs and multiple therapists.
He rarely touched me in a sexual way, and when he did, it was clear that he was just waiting for it to be over.
This was devastating.
Now you would think I would take matters into my own hands and masturbate.
Well, I really can’t explain why, but I didn’t. Once in awhile I would try, but never with any success. Instead, I would lie beside my husband, craving his touch, and would silently cry myself to sleep.
From age 26 to 33, I had very, very little sexual sensation of any kind in my life.
It was very lonely.
A month after my divorce was final, I decided it was time to put in the effort and connect with myself.
I bought a vibrator and hoped it might work for me.
I am pleased to share with you that thanks to my new toy, my first orgasm post-divorce was thanks to me and my Honey Bunny!
It’s been several months, and I now masturbate regularly and I absolutely love it!
How masturbation has changed my life:
- I feel empowered.
- I had always relied on men for my sexual pleasure.
- My ex-husband would not (could not?) deliver, so I was left completely powerless and alone.
- Now, if I want an orgasm, I can have one and I don’t need anyone else to make it happen.
- That is just amazing.
- I have a fresh perspective on my body.
- Since I’d always relied on my sexual partner to lead me to orgasm, I am now realizing that perhaps I didn’t know my body as well as I once thought.
- Masturbation lets me experiment and experience whatever I want without judgment (mine or his).
- I feel more ownership over my body and sensations.
- I am more confident.
- Thanks to years in a sexless relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder
- if I was unattractive,
- if he’s cheating,
- if he’s gay
- … all thoughts that didn’t exactly make me feel awesome about myself as a person, wife, or sexual being.
- Now, I walk around now like I have this little secret: I have orgasms again, and I can have one whenever I want!
- This special little secret with myself (and now, with you!) makes me walk a little taller.
- And I have a feeling it will make me a better sexual partner.
- Thanks to years in a sexless relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder
So, ladies, if you’re like I was and you think that masturbation just isn’t for you, I would like to encourage you to try masturbation again.
You have nothing to lose and lots to gain!
How to get into the masturbation mood:
- Get yourself a toy if you aren’t comfortable using your hands (see The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo for shopping tips).
- Let your mind wander, whether it’s thinking about a sexual experience you’ve had or a hot coworker or Brad Pitt.
- Personally, I have found the visualization part to be key to getting me in the mood.
- Be patient with yourself and do not judge. Notice what is happening in your mind and body as your explore.
- Nothing you try, feel, or think is wrong in any way.
And most of all, just relax and let go.
If you’re anything like me, you will be shocked to discover the pleasure you can have all by yourself.
Speak Your Mind Because I Know You Have One
- Whether your happily married, happily divorced, or somewhere in between, is masturbation healthy in your life?
- Is this something that came naturally for you or did you have to ease in to it like I did?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.
- Remember to Join Our Community too
Remember – Speak your Mind in the comments below.
15 thoughts on “Is Masturbation Healthy? Taking Matters Into My Own Hands With Joy”
Your story is pretty similar to Betty Dodson’s. She had a orgasm-less marriage during her younger years, then discovered the magic wand and it changed her life. She went on to write the book “Liberating Masturbation” and host workshops that helped make the magic wand, and vibrators in general, more mainstream!
I learned about her in the book “Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy” which also talks about how in the 1940s people thought masturbation could accelerate aging, cause mental illness, and even shrink your head, all ridiculous of course, but it really did use to be super scary and taboo for most people.
Glad we live in this era where it’s scientifically proven as a healthy thing to do.
That being said, I guess it could be unhealthy if someone used dildos or sex toys made of phthalates, PVC, or other funky chemicals.
thank you for sharing this post with everyone. it will help others to understand the value of sex in their life. and they can understand the need of sex and that will help them to know when and how satisfy their partner by giving helthy sex.
Is Masturbation Healthy?
yes, Yes, YES OMG YES.
We’ve come so far as a society in so many ways but many still consider masturbation a bit of a taboo which is crazy.
What’s incredible is that masturbation for men is fairly acceptable, guys joke about masturbating all the time yet sex toys like dildos are more acceptable for women than sex toys are for men. I feel that men get the short straw. If a woman says she owns a dildo it’s considered hot, when a man owns a sex toy he’s considered a creep. It’s ridiculous!
Glad to hear you met your needs. I was with a girl once and she simply couldn’t orgasm through intercourse. We went out and bought a vibrator and I would use it on her. It was a way to keep us feeling connected.
What a great solution! And how open minded of you. I think some men might have been a little intimidated in that situation.
Actually, I think you’d find most men would relish that opportunity, to be perfectly honest.
I think it is 50/50. Allot of men are intimidated by sex toys and feel it is an insult to their masculinity. Then again other men enjoy pleasing a woman any way and enjoy bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. Everybody is different especially when it comes to sex.
My friend’s husband was initially intimidated and a touch insulted by how use of a vibrator made my friend climax in a VERY different way. She explained that, yes, a toy can do something that he physically cannot do, but the toy obviously can’t do for her all that he can. They found that the combination led to the most exciting sex.
I wish I had a ‘LIKE’ button :)
That’s simply one of the clearest explainations why you shouldn’t be afraid or dubious about experimenting and using martial aids in the privacy of the bedroom, Kat.
Fabulous, as you are.
Ahh sex :) What a wonderful mixed-up and confusing subject it is, to a lot of people, isn’t it?
I’d love it if everyone simply adopted the phrase ‘Just go with the Flow’!
If it works, great. If it doesn’t, try something else. Making love is a wonderful expression between two consenting adults – why we get so fucked up and put too much thought into, I’ll never know.
Well, I do, it’s media and social judgements :)
Yay! I love this. It’s so awesome to be sexually empowered- especially after a bad sexual relationship. You rock!
Thanks so much! Your blog and story inspire me.
Hey Redhead. Thanks for the visit and comment. Yeah, I found Kat’s story very inspiring for women everywhere to gain their rightful sexual freedom and awakening. Sounds like you should do a guest post here too :)
i think thats really hot you take matters in your own hands
Hot for you or hot for her, Shane? :)