good communicating involves really listening

Start With Good Communication Habits

this is not communicating well at all
You really are doing it WRONG!

You’re in a relationship, right?

And you probably think you’ve got a great and wonderful relationship going, don’t you?

But chances are the conversations you’ve had are largely superficial and, in the larger scheme of things, add little or no value to your future goals.

That’s where the importance of couples communication comes into play.


Couples Communication – The Downside

Like a business, without knowing exactly how you each understand the other and manner in which you process these thoughts, it’s likely that misunderstanding/s will be higher than what is possible.

Misunderstandings led to argument and outcomes in your relationship that are, in a word, bad.

This crap side has a nasty habit of the domino effect.

One bad experience compounds in more of them.

With a potential for a breakup and a divorce or separation.

You want to avoid those negative relationship outcomes and strive to better understand the nuances of couples communication, in the right way.

Start couples communication to avoid misunderstandings
Start couples communication to avoid misunderstandings


Really Talking and Really Listening

Have you noticed that sometimes (or often) when you’re having a conversation with your partner that you’re spoken over, before you’ve finished what you had to say?


Listening Tip

At this point you need to pause and gently (and diplomatically) indicate you need to finish and they need to actively listen to your words.

There’s little point in continuing if there’s a lack of active listening on the other side since whatever it is that you’re talking about isn’t registering.

That’s a waste of breathe and effort.


Talking Tip

Responsibility to improve requires both people to be involved.

For some, the talking side requires some delicate finesse.

Try this: If you’ve got something important to talk about, begin by saying something along the lines of:

Babe, I want to chat about something and it’s going to be important for both of us that you let me finish as well as really listen and take in what I say. Is that OK with you?’.


Couples Communication for Understanding

In most relationships, each person will receive information in (potentially) a different manner than it was intended.

It’s natural for this to occur as we’re all individuals, have different historical experiences and view the world in ways differently to other people. So our cognitive skills vary as well as information processing.

When we talk and listen, the delivery and receipt of that information will certainly be varied.

Therein is the next subsequent challenge in ensuring you both understand.


Don’t Get Too Precious Either

When someone challenges another, by saying they might not understand something, it’s a natural human reaction to take a posture of defence.

Hey, no-one likes to be told they’re dumb, do they?

But that’s not what this is about so take some time for a discussion on your objectives. Which is to create a space for your relationship to fully blossom. An initial topic is how each person views the world through their own unique pair of rose-coloured glasses.

See where I’m going?

Avoid the dumb accusation and replace with calm objectives and a discussion point starter – that’s precisely where couples communication starts.

A Couple = two people with same/similar objectives
Communication = Convey objectives/thoughts so the recipient fully understands your intentions


The Nutshell Breakdown

  • Misunderstandings lead to a crappy relationship experience
  • It’s helpful to state intentions before broaching a new area, for the chat
  • Start active listening without interrupting – you’ll have ‘question time’
  • Avoid confrontation or demeaning challenges and start your first example talk with this blog post


Isn’t today a good enough time as any to begin?

Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:

  • How do you think your own communication could be improved?
  • Are you willing to start doing something today?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.

And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Couples Communication - Do It Right and Get More Connection 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

8 thoughts on “Couples Communication – Do It Right and Get More Connection”
  1. Interesting thing to find out that such a big percentage of men feel the need to avoid talking about a problem that is relationship-wise. My advice is to bring all arguments to the table as long as the issue is fresh to both of them and start debating. Not quarelling, but debating. There are no perfect relationships, this is a fact, and differences of opinion are always involved but if hadled with diplomacy, the odds are good. Thanks for the post!

  2. I really enjoyed reading your article. I fell the same way. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Therefore, people need to do it right and they need to start realising that without it, nothing good can come out of it. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Cheers!

  3. I think boys should listen more and talk less when it comes to communication :P

    Though, your article is always upto the point and give right advice :)

    Thank you so much!

    1. well i don’t know about that one, Dhruv. If truth be told, us girls can be just as guilty as guys when it comes to not really listening and not giving two way respect to our boyfriends. yeah, i admit it lol

    2. Tend to agree with Marie here, Dhruv. The lack of really listening isn’t really a male domain but more so a formed habit, if you ask me.
      I’m interested in why you think guys are more at fault in not listening though – care to share?

  4. That image says it all, doesn’t it?
    I think while I’d like to think I’m good and trying to talk, I know deep down that I’m just as guilty as my previous partners in avoiding letting down my barriers to be more open. and that’s probably what has lead to the breakups.
    Loved this post and look forward to Part 2 and more! Great beginning, thank you

    1. Hey Marie,
      I think it’s a common misconception in society that men are the poor listeners. Personally, I feel fault lie with both genders i.e. I know a lot of guys who really do listen where their female partners don’t AND vica versa as well.
      It’s a good discovery to make, no matter who you are though – awareness is a good thing.
      I do plan on this as an ongoing series as well so thank you for your kind words.

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