I Love This Quote – It’s All About Healing Too.

Duke Ellington  …  A Problem Is A Chance For You To Do Your Best

Just read it again – A Problem Is A Chance For You To Do Your Best

What I found interesting was recalling all my previous relationships that failed.

My personal takeaway was there were things I needed to do – things that needed clarity and alteration inside my head.

I know a lot of guys who have gone through a divorce and they’ve literally sunk into depression as if all life has been lost.

Many of them have taken the ending of a relationship as a personal failure.


Why I Was Different, I Don’t Know.

think different and act different to recreate yourself

You cannot get what you’ve never had unless you’re willing to do what you’ve never done!
Ever thought about it that way?

I took the opportunity to re-evaluate what I was doing in my life as well as my mindset about marriage, who I wanted in my life, and, more importantly, where I wanted my life to go with a new partner.

A divorce or the ending of a relationship is a somewhat pivotal point in a person’s life.

You can either wallow in self-hate and your own pity OR give yourself a kick in the arse and get trucking again.

Obviously, you’ll want to start in low gear and regain some sensible bearings on the direction.

You need a reliable compass and a good roadmap too.

(Who’s getting tired of my analogies yet?)


Use The Word Challenge Instead Of Problem

The word ‘challenge’ chants for you to do your best and overcome, whereas ‘problem’ always gives me the feeling of a negative insurmountable mountain that you’re going to have difficulty climbing.

Challenge begs you to rise above the occasion and succeed.

I know it’s semantics and wordplay.

My belief though is the words we use to guide us.

I’d much prefer to react and act on positive words and feelings.


So What’s All This Got To Do With Relationships, Healthy or Otherwise?

Simply put, relationships have got to do with two people.

And all of the variables that are involved – you know yourself there’s a stack of them :)

The mix of emotion, action, and inaction invariably leads to friction points and challenges.

And that’s where a change of mindset or reframing of your thoughts brings a positive change.


My Own Relationship Example – Read On …

Please understand that when you’re able to rise above the occasion, that effort then becomes a learning experience.

That’s a huge positive, in moving forward with your lives.

OK, now for the example.

Think about one of your own previous relationships that have ended – I’m going to use one of my own.

We’re all different so some emotions and reactions have been altered to protect the innocent.

My first marriage ended.


It’s been a pretty crap time in there for a few years anyway so my gut probably saw it coming – and I wasn’t the one to end it either so there’s some fess-up time for you.

I knew in my heart that it would never amount to anything – both people involved had journeyed down different roads long ago.

I knew it was time to keep traveling by myself and this was the wake-up call I needed.

My first wife Vicki and I parted ways in the most friendly of terms – because why would you really want it otherwise?

Forget hatred and anger in your heart – it’ll eventually eat you alive.


Some Much Needed Relationship Breathing Time

heal yourself and great relationships will happen

Heal yourself and great relationships can happen

Now that I’m out of the partnership, I felt a mindful breeze of fresh air wash over me.

In reality, this was definitely time for positive reflection and also time to take a look inside my head, from the outside.

I bet the majority of you reading this have never taken a good long hard look at your historical relationship behavior and then made a conscious decision to weed out your bullshit and replace it with daisies, as best as you’re able.

Have you?
If you have, then I’d love more of your insight in the comments.

Here was the list of areas I needed personal improvement and growth (see if any match your own):

  • In times of stress, I lied
  • At other times, I hid the truth
  • We never spoke about love, sex, and relationships
  • In fact, talking and understanding (which are very different) was practically non-existent
  • I needed to better understand the nuances of women and their values, priorities, and reactions
  • I needed to better understand my own values since I’d always been in auto-pilot mode
  • As a person, I was stagnating


How’s that for a list of unhealthy relationship traits? And I recognized those within me.


The Real-Life Journey Begins

Yep, I really needed some serious mind work and reframing to happen.

It was pivotal.

It was a relief.

It was the start of a whole NEW me.

I’m grateful that one relationship ended.

I took stock of myself and made a solemn promise to both researches myself and change into the person I wanted to become.

Indeed, the person I needed to become, lest history repeats itself – and that’s not going to happen.


Over To You

Now that we’ve reached the bottom, here’s what you can do next:

  • Tell me if you can relate to any of my own challenges in your own life. Are there any that you had, that I didn’t?
  • Have you ever analyzed your own historical behavior?
  • Since you read all the way to the bottom, I’m guessing you’ve formed some viewpoint or opinion. I’d love you to share it in the comments, no matter what it is. I’m tough and can take criticism so go hard!
  • Click a Share button – your friends can then enjoy this article too.

Express your thoughts, in the comments below.

Healing Yourself: Do You Have What It Takes To Fix a Problem? 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.