You can protect yourself from a cheating partner

Is Spying On Your Partner Healthy?

There are always two sides to every story, aren’t there?

If you have yet to check out a recent guest blog post on ‘Is Technology Destroying Relationships’, do go give it a read.

It’s been a popular post and I’d like to talk about the other side to it now.

Trust or Spying. Which is best?
Trusting or Spying. Which is best?


Technology Warning Before We Start

I’d like to start off by saying you should really only be spying into these sorts of probing ONLY if you have suspicions – doing otherwise suggests your relationships might have trust, honesty, and communication challenges, in some regard.

While we all have to be mindful of too much technology detracting from the personal and human interaction of a healthy relationship, technology has its uses in protecting people from getting into a relationship with someone with a bad history of abuse or deception.

I heard a recent radio segment the other day on a number of women who had to end their relationships, due to the discovery their boyfriends or partners were what they referred to as ‘love rats’.

The term was one I’d never heard however a love rat is the same as a ‘bad boy’.

These women were unsuspecting of what lurked beneath the surface of their boyfriends’ personalities, totally.

However, a few obvious signs eventually popped up that lead them to further investigation.

Here are a few of those examples:


Spying – Facebook Can Start or End It

I’ve always rejoiced in the fact that Facebook was an ideal platform for starting a relationship and, in fact, that’s how my relationship with Pamela Allen started and why I wrote an ebook on the subject. It can be an incredible and positive avenue for people looking for a relationship.

It can also be your savior if your partner might be cheating, spying or hiding things from you too.

Betty (not her real name) was in a relationship with Peter (not his real name either) for a number of years, as well as sharing a child together. She mentioned on the radio show she was under the real impression she had a great relationship with Peter.

Not a suspicion in the world, she indicated.

What happened next shocked her to her core.

While her partner was away on a business trip, she was browsing his Facebook page and noticed photos pop up with him and another woman.

What had happened was he was secretly seeing another woman, they were both out and the ‘other woman’ took some memorable photos and uploaded them to her Facebook and tagged them both in the photos.

Naturally, the photos he was tagged in were shown on Facebook Wall, for the world to see – including his wife.

Needless to say, this incident exposed his longstanding spying affair and that little game is now over.

He apparently was a chronic adulterer.


The Internet Gives You Up

Another example I was unaware of, where the existence of several websites, dedicated to exposing cheating men (and women) so they no longer hurt any future relationships.

Liars, Cheaters, and Bastards is one such site.

And it does a pretty good job of helping others steer clear of habitual players and cheaters – both men as well as women.

I wonder just how many unsuspecting men and women are in relationships with liars and cheats?

From the look of the mentioned site, there’s an epidemic of players out there, just looking for their next unsuspecting victim.


Homeland Security & Spying

If you really do feel the need to investigate the goings-on of your partner, there’ll likely be telltale tracks right there at home.

  • Mobile phones all hold email and SMS.
  • Home PCs for email.
    • One guy recently found a deleted email in his trash from his Russian wife to her secret sex partner.
    • Though the excuse apparently went on that she was just using this third party for pure sexual enjoyment, she was still under the impression she was safe by just deleting the email.
  • Home phone bills also hold repeating secret calls.
    • You’re always able to scan these for numbers you don’t know and especially those where they’re used often.


I know I’m very open with my second wife Pamela Allen in her checking out my laptop and/or phone, anytime she’d like.

(Funny that Pamela feels odd in sharing with me though but that’s ok with me as that’s her choice)

Does your partner feel strongly about keeping their personal devices secret from you?

I view it as ‘nothing to hide’ and openness with my partner to ensure Pam feels totally safe in our relationship.

And we all sometimes have questions about what the other person might be doing – call it insurance in the other person’s feelings.


Do You Feel Safe?

I’d certainly love to hear anyone else’s stories in how they deal with relationship privacy as well as any past incidents in discovering a cheating partners’ activity and how you made the discovery.


Speak Your Mind About Partner Spying, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:

  • Do you think your partner is spying on your stuff?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.

And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Is Spying On Your Partner Healthy? No, It Isn't 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

4 thoughts on “Is Spying On Your Partner Healthy? No, It Isn’t”
  1. What a horrible situation to be in when a person feels they need to spy on their partner. Maybe I'm naive?? My girlfriend of over two years deletes her text and call history every day. I've never given it a second thought. She thinks it's weird that I don't.

    1. Welcome Marshall and thanks for the comment.

      Yeah, we're all different to each other – nuff said.

      If you're happy in keeping her stuff to herself and her deleting it, then keep rocking with the happiness, man. We all have differing privacy and priorities levels which just make us human. Being at ease with that is a great situation for you and your girlfriend to be in.

      Thanks too for visiting our little website part of the world too, my friend. Hope to see you again.

  2. It seems here that half of the people who "spy" are checking things out because they have a valid concern. But what, exactly, constitutes a "valid concern"? What if the other party is just a jealous, paranoid nutter?

    1. First up, thanks so much for posting your first comment to the site, Lilly – lovely to have your visit.

      If you got a jealous and paranoid partner, you've got some other relationship challenges to deal with. Though despite that, if you've got nothing to hide and have been honest and transparent, is there really any harm? The only harm is if your partner actually fails to tell you what and why they were doing the spying in the first place – the better way for them to deal with their own concerns to talk about them.

      What do you think?

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