Sex And The New Guy In Your Life
So, you’ve met a new man and things are going great.
If you’re in it for more than just a hook-up, it’s imperative you make sure the time is right.
You bond over amazing conversation, you have a lot in common, you can envision his last name following your first, and of course…the sexual chemistry is so undeniable that you can barely wait to rip off his clothes and jump into bed with him.
One of the biggest questions, however, when you start dating a new guy is:
when is it okay to have sex?
This can be tricky when you really like him—sex has the ability to bring two people closer together, but if you have sex too soon in a relationship, it often derails any chance of a future with one another.
Men want sex (and so do women!), but when they get the goods right away, they many times put blame on the woman (gotta love that double standard!) and are on to the next!
Of course, every circumstance is different.
Depending on the specifics of the relationship you are in, you may find that long-term dating is in the cards even if you rush into sex.
There is no set number of days or dates you should wait—but in most cases, if you’re in it for more than just a hook-up, it’s imperative that you make sure the time is right.
So before you get a Brazilian bikini wax and whip out your sexiest lingerie, be sure to check out the following advice for waiting for that right time:
Limit The Alcohol
When you first start dating someone, you’re often spending a good deal of time wining and dining each other.
As alcohol is known to be a contributor to many a sloppy rendezvous in the sack, if you’re not ready to go there quite yet with your guy, make sure to keep the alcohol consumption to a minimum.
As much as you might think you need that extra Appletini when the butterflies are getting the best of you, if sex is a possibility on the dessert menu, then forget about the drinks.
Besides, you want to remember the first time you have sex with your new man, right?
No Commitment, No Sex
This is a great rule of thumb to use before knocking boots.
If you are dating a man with whom you’d like to maintain a serious relationship, it may be in your best interested to hold out until you are completely sure that he’s as committed to the relationship as you are.
Once you define the fact that the two of you are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship then sex is on the table.
If not, then don’t give in—when women have sex with a guy, emotions and feelings for that person grow immensely…and if he’s having sex with you as well as a slew of other women, you will not only be putting your heart in danger, but you’ll be putting your health in danger as well.
If self-control isn’t your strong point and you’re someone who so much as lays eyes on a candy bar and before you know it you’ve eaten four…be careful if you’re trying to wait for the right time in your relationship to start having sex.
As difficult as it can be to wait when you are really interested a guy, don’t have sex until you are sure that he is interested in YOU too.
… and not just interested in SEX.
If you could easily succumb to your wants and desires (or his), stay in charge by avoiding putting yourself in sexually enticing situations with your guy.
When the timing is right, you will find that your exhausting efforts to practice self-control were well worth the wait.
Talk It Out
Sex is one of those things that can be awkward to talk about.
However, as mature, responsible adults, sex is a vital topic of conversation when you’re in a relationship.
When you’ve reached an appropriate point where sex is the next step, find a time to sit and discuss the subject to determine what you each expect out of the relationship as well as how you plan to enjoy sex safely.
Once you are both on the same page and you feel confident in your mutual decision…then head to the bedroom!
What’s one other thing you think is important before sex for the first time?
8 thoughts on “When is it Okay to Sleep with a Guy?”
As far as I’m concerned – as an independent, 23 year old woman – it is okay to sleep with a guy whenever I’m comfortable with it. If that’s after a month or an hour then, so be it. Society already dictates so much of how a woman looks and behaves; I certainly won’t be allowing the perceptions of people I don’t even know to have an influence on my physical relationships.
That’s my 2 cents.
Rock on, Anita!
Totally agree with you. And isn’t it funny that it’s mostly society’s perception on sex and sexuality of a woman that’s most common?
It’s never about her views of how she shops, is she eating that food OK, never around how she raises her children, never about whether she’s a good communicator but when it comes to anything concerning sex, well, hold on there lady, we got some pressures and perceptions that we’d like to pressure you with!
Perfectly articulated! There are countless ‘issues’ that society could devote more energy and spotlight to if they actually cared about a woman’s wellbeing as much as they claim. I’m not sure where or when the fixation on our sexual activities and how, magically, they seem to be a crystal ball into our overall personalities was born, but I do know there are a multitude of more pressing issues and concerns that could be discussed!
P.s. – Rock of yourself there, Geek :)
It's been a sad history for me that the alcohol kicks in first and I end up with some stranger's boots under my bed. Possibly the worst of it is that the guy is usually out the door before I wake up anyway … bastard!
Good reminder that chicks need to moderate themselves when there are some many sharks out there looking for a quick score.
Thanks for another thought provoking comment, Amanda.
As for the shark comment, I'd suggest there's just as many 'cougars' and MILFs out there looking for exactly the same thing. In the whole 'dating game', everyone is typically out there for themselves to get what it is that they're looking for.
With that in mind, and as you said to Gary, I'd agree the responsibility initially falls with yourself – whether it's to stop pregnancy or just emotional hurt.
Amanda nailed it. When you're out there swimming with sharks, be prepared for them to only want to eat you.
I'm so very glad I'm mostly out of the dating scene. It was one fuck machine after another trying to get into my pants. We've just got to have our defenses up all the freaking time. Martin said it though, responsibility should be a two way street unless you're out there in the wild dating scene with arseholes.
The ladies do have a certain public image to uphold but I think that's brought on by today's society image of what and how a woman should behave.
That said, good points to remind women that too much booze is likely to get them into big trouble as well as the horrors of a possible unwanted pregnancy – something a guy doesn't have to worry about until there's a lawsuit brought against him.
With that in mind, both parties have the responsibility to think clear as well as safe. Go into having your first screw with a clear understanding and a clear head.
The problem is, Gary, that you guys don't end up carrying a baby around in your womb for 9 months.
The responsibility shouldn't but usually does have to fall on the women since we're the ones with most at risk or freedoms to eventually lose because some guys are just out there to score some tail.
Good post as a good reminder us girls need to take care of ourselves LOL