Disaster Brings a New Beginning
I write this from both experience as well as an opportunity to help others in the same situation.
Relationships are good and great times.
There are also times you could just leave and say ‘forget this whole damn thing‘.
This article is about the latter – when you could quite literally give up the past good times, out of utter and complete frustration.
In hindsight, the solution is an easy one, yet takes some soul searching to get there.
The Disastrous Relationship Scenario
Very recently I found myself in what I thought was both solitude as well as frustration – and when I mean frustration, I mean I was on the edge of giving everything in my relationship with my wife away.
I was really troubled as I thought I was simply unable to continue.
And deep down, I also wanted to move forward with her as I love and respect her deeply.
When you know you’ve found your life’s soulmate, giving it away is a peculiar and challenging dilemma to be in.
So I’ve been thinking this way for about a week. My internal thoughts are telling me ‘Hey, you’re fucked where you are as you’re not being respected nor are you being valued!’.
It’s A Roundabout, If You Don’t Get It Out
I eventually figured out that all this internalizing was a perpetual roundabout.
The more I thought about the situation, the more my limited input reached the same conclusion. I was desperately frustrated and I needed the situation resolved so I could either move forward or move out.
I preferred the former so simply asked the question ‘Do you see our relationship going anywhere?‘.
That was the best question for me to ask, in a calm way. The key is to also keep the tone and questions calm too.
Never say never!
Ask questions that invoke conversation and potential resolution – keep away from ‘Yes or No’ answers since you’re looking for back and forth information to gain additional input and an understanding of the other person.
This way you’re able to get your situation across to your partner and, hopefully, they’re able to get a fuller and deeper understanding of both your situation, as well as where your head is at.
If your partner is actually going to be in the relationship for the long haul, then once they get a proper feel for your headspace, they’ll also be looking to get you back on track and be looking for better solutions for the both of you.
She eventually understood what I had been thinking.
She gained more insight in how and what I was thinking, as well as what I valued in our relationship.
Values are different as well as fundamentally vital for individuals
It’s really not until you get to the end of the road that you’re able to notice there’s a light shining on a crossroad.
That beam of brilliance is illuminated by your partner’s understanding of who you are.
It’s a growth path we eventually get to, after a bad patch.
Providing there’s the will to continue on both sides, there’ll also be the opportunity that will come along to allow you both to move forward.
Is there a better way without the pain?
Hindsight is a wondrous thing, isn’t it?
From lessons learnt, here’s a guide with some questions you should be able to ask yourself as well as your partner.
- Get a place with a good amount of quiet time
- Be transparent.
- You want to try out some stuff you read which is only about relationship evolution.
- There’s always a better way to all things in life
- Stay calm, despite any previous historical urges that you’re prone to
- Ask each other ‘Do you see our relationship going anywhere?’
- Answer honestly around what each other needs as well as what’s missing or could be improved.
- There are lessons to be learnt on both sides and remember the word ‘compromise’ too
- Both be open to trying new things as well as thinking differently.
- Your thoughts lead to changes in behaviour, and that’s a good thing for both of you.
- Both of you give the other permission to give feedback.
- There’s only good feedback, providing you view it that way to begin with.
- Regularly review how things are going.
- Set aside value time to do this – its your future that’s at stake so it’s important.
In A Nutshell
A good mate of mine is/was going through very similar tough times and asked ‘I tend to forget it’s sometimes its not about me and I’m not the cause of every problem… what do you think?’
Well … It’s more like ‘This is me and what I need’, ‘I now know who you are and what you need’ so what do we need to do to make this a fucking hot relationship for us both and live life like never before?
Hopefully this post helps someone.
At the very least, it’s an insight into what else you might like to try, to steer clear of the initial pitfall I described.
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