The Facts
A separation is often the first step toward a divorce. It’s a way for many couples to begin the slow process of breaking up their marriage, the first step toward a gradual exit.
Separation doesn’t always have to mean the end though. For many couples, separation can actually save their marriage. Though it may seem counterintuitive, time apart can actually help couples find their way back to each other.
Here’s how separation might actually be able to [***blink*vrutv**]save your marriage[*-*]:
You Can Let Go of Your Anger
Happy couples don’t separate. Most are pushed to the brink by fighting, stress, and anger when they finally decide to separate. Attempting to work through problems when under this kind of stress and anger would be very difficult, if not impossible for most couples.
Being able to finally rid yourself of anger allows you to refocus on the positives
Separating allows couples to have the emotional and physical distance to view the situation more objectively. They have time to cool off and let go of their anger so that they can get a fresh perspective on the situation and come back to each other with a new desire to work through their problems.
You Are Able to See Your Relationship from a New Perspective
Gaining an objective understanding of the state of your relationship is the first step toward understanding how to fix the problems and to build a stronger bond with your spouse.
You Have the Time to Work on Yourself
It takes two people to end a relationship, and both are responsible for the events that led to its demise. Being apart from your spouse can give you the distance you need to understand the role you played in your relationship’s troubled history.
Separation is a great time to get individual therapy and to do some real work on yourself – both to understand how you can heal the relationship and to understand how you can be a better partner. This will help you to have a happier relationship and to be a happier person.
You Get to Experience Being Alone
When you are fighting with your spouse all the time and feeling unhappy with your marriage, you may fantasize about being alone or dating other people.
Separation gives you the opportunity to see what it is really like to be single or to see other people.
Often, when a couple separates, this taste of freedom actually deepens their appreciation of one another. Absence often makes the heart grow fonder, and separation often helps couples realize how much they really do want to save their marriage.
You Can Get to Know Your Spouse Again
When you live apart from your spouse, you get the opportunity to get to know him or her again, as if for the first time. You may have spent months apart, developing new routines and a life without your partner.
When you feel ready to start talking again, you may be surprised to learn new things about your partner. You may find out things you never knew before or you may find that you’re able to laugh together again, to have interesting conversations, or just have fun together.
Be smart and prepared to rediscover a special someone
It takes bravery and strength to take a new step in life
Take a plunge
The time apart may give you the space to find the spark that drew you together again.
While separation can give you the space to heal your marriage, it can also help to drive you further apart if you do not approach it thoughtfully.
Make sure you are taking the time to do work on yourself and your relationship and that you aren’t out partying all the time or trying to date a lot of new people.
Go to counseling together, as well as by yourself, and take as much time as you need to resolve your issues and to get to know one another once again.
Share Your Thoughts
Author Bio: Sarah Rexman is working toward her degree in psychology with a focus on marriage. Her most recent accomplishment includes graduating from Florida State, with a degree in environmental science. Her current focus involves the elimination of pests and rodents including the process of exterminating bed bugs by using a specific brand of bed bugs powder.
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David
Hi Sarah,
A relationship, like any living thing, needs attention. It needs care, and thought, and support. Too often relationships fall apart because 1 or 2 people in in don’t give it this ongoing consideration (and that’s a terrible shame). One of the worlds better known commentators on marriage and relationships, Dr. John Gottman, says that less than 5% of divorcing couples seek marriage counselling. The irony is that research shows couples can be helped if they seek assistance in their relationship earlier.
The problem, of course, is when “trying to save a relationship”, couples often come at it too late. In these cases, when a separation happens it’s often just a “first step” towards the ensuing divorce. What your article does very nicely is highlight the importance of the individual in the relationship and having “healthy” time apart as a means of strengthening a relationship from early on.
Thanks for the post Sarah – (and Geek & Jock for putting up interesting articles).
David
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Martin
Welcome to the site, David and thank you so much for your comments too.
Interesting statistic too that only 5% of couples seek help when they’re on the verge of a divorce – quite alarming really.
Why do you think that might be though? My gut feel is the relationship is in turmoil, negative emotions abound and neither party is in the right headspace to even think clearly or, for that matter, unable to contemplate a positive outcome due to the prevailing negativity.
What are your thoughts?
P.S Please do go attach your email address to a Gravatar too
Martin recently posted..Erectile Dysfunction – A Woman’s Guide To Understanding ED
Anita
I was really pleased to read the subject of this particular post, Geek, for several personal reasons. My parents are divorced now and growing up they really struggled with their relationship. Even as a wide-eyed kid I knew that something wasn’t going well in their world and sensed when there was tension in the air. It wasn’t positive for myself or for my brothers.
Initially when they chose to seperate we were understandably distraught. Reflecting back on it as an adult though, I now see how seperating and later, divorcing, allowed my parents to become more civil as people and much more effective as parents. They get along and are very friendly still to this day. Family functions and so on are always much happier now than they were back then!
Far too many blogs, posts and articles frame divorce and seperation in a negative light yet sometimes, as has been beautifully articulated by your post above, time apart can really put your relationship and the world as a whole into a much clearer light!
Anita. xx
Martin
Yeah, still kinda sad to see a marriage end in divorce though.
While it’s common sense to end it if it simply isn’t working, people get married because of reason/s and I always hope there’s been enough energy into resolving. But, some good things just aren’t meant to last.
Martin recently posted..Why Arguing Couples Head For Divorce And How To Avoid It
Bec
Absolutely true! My husband and I separated for 6mths and we have never had a better relationship than we do now! 3 years since the separation and we just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary with a renewal of our vows! Great article
Martin
Hey there Bec – thanks so much for your comment. Great to see new people reading and letting us know their thoughts on our material.
And WOW, what a success story you've got to tell too!
What do you think was the No. 1 thing you valued most, from the seperation?
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