We travel through life and encounter different people.
Some we simply can’t stand to be around for more than a minute and others are in our lives forever, with the majority falling somewhere in-between the two extremes.
Let’s have a look at the broad types of these relationships and then why you need to identify those in your current ‘circle of friends’ who you need to jettison.
Toxic Relationship
You’ll likely have had some friends (or even lovers) that fall into this type.
When you first meet them, they have a quality you like and attach to.
You know you’ve got some toxic relationships.
What are you prepared to do about them?
Usually though, and after a short while, they start giving you negative vibes, followed by them patching things up so you both remain friends. The toxic relationship sees this friendship repeat this cycle, over and over again.
You fall into a pattern of acceptance.
You know what’s happening to you though?
Your positive outlook level on life is in a downward spiral. No matter what you’ve said in the past, the cycle continues to repeat.
Up and Down Relationship
Similar to The Toxic Relationship where the friend bombards you with negativity.
Up and Down friendships take their toll on your positive energy
Think of this one this way:
- You are on a higher positive level than the other person.
- You unconsciously try to convert the negative energy into positivity and raise the bar
- They sometimes are able to replace their bad thoughts
- Their positive levels ebb – this friendship is still destructive as you’re drawn down and need to put a lot of effort into the direction of where it’s headed.
The Friend Relationship
Most people you meet in life are good natured – why would you really want to be anything else?
While you can shoot the breeze for hours, on areas around work or common interests, there just isn’t that intimate foundational relationship.
These friends are ‘people to treasure’ for a lifetime – they’ve all got the potential to move into the next level of …
Love Relationship
This is typically the domain of close family and life long friends.
What is interesting is that some of these are actually and unknowingly, toxic.
Have a think yourself.
- Do you have family members that are continually sabotaging your efforts to be a better person?
- When you’re in a great frame of mind, do you have any life long friends who react, instantly, with some small negative irritant or suggestion that, in hindsight, takes the glow off your wonderful day?
Personal Example
A long time friend who I’ll call Fred.
We’ve been good friends for a long long time. He’s a little older than me and I expect getting a little staid in life as well.
In hindsight, we simply grew up together and had a couple of common interests which was the bond. When one relationship challenge is introduced (by me I’ll admit), he takes every opportunity to dump on me, as opposed to acceptance and moving forward with life.
While I love solid and enduring relationships in my life, my response wasn’t what you might think. I examined what he was continuing to give me which was a reign of crap. Should I sit back, take the crap and be in a continual cycle of trying to placate him? Errr, not for me.
I have plenty of people in my life that give my positive thoughts and vibrations, despite my human failings.
I now have to classify Fred in the Toxic Relationship category.
The Only Love Relationship
OK, maybe I should remove the word ‘Only’. Truth be told, life offers us up a variety of true lovers that could be with us for a season or a lifetime.
True Love doesn’t necessarily need to be Lifetime Eternal Love.
I digress.
You’ll know that rapid heart-rate feeling of your lover.
I’ve had it a number of times in my life, with different women and never as much as I have with my partner.
With my wife, it’s that feeling or emotion of being in (mostly) bliss and contentment when I’m with her. The subtle smile you have in your brain when your eyes open in the morning and she’s sleeping quietly next to you and you steal an early morning cuddle.
That’s the benefit feeling of a Love Relationship.
Take Stock and Take Action
It’s been a long read and here’s where I’d like you to take stock of the people in your life, right now.
From all the people in your life, who are the ones that fall in the Toxic and Up/Down areas?
Bear in mind, you need to look at everyone in your life as some of your life long (Love Relationship) friends are quite likely to also be Toxic, as my own example highlighted.
Your options really are easy too.
- They can move up into the positive realm and stay there, to uplift you both
- … or they can’t. You need to plan to and get rid of them. It’s just that simple.
Take Some Action and Speak Your Mind
I know it’s been a long read and here’s what I want you to do next:
- Do you think you’ve got people in your life that are Toxic or Up/Down?
- What are your honest thoughts on getting rid of friends, based on my criteria?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then read this article too.
And thanks for reading too – Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
About the Author:
Martin is a DTE, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company - as well as coffee. I’ll talk to almost anyone …. ok, anyone….
Martin – who has written 129 posts on GeekandJock.
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mike
Great post, though It’s hard to know what to do when a close family member who falls into the toxic zone, can’t move up to a positive realm…”getting rid of them” is out of the question isn’t it?
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Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Actually it’s not, Mike.
I did it years ago with my sister. At the end of the day, what’s the value and benefit to really be gained? I mean really?
Michael
Twitter: michaelcdeaven
Awesome post. I have so many friends that are in these types of relationships, and once you’re in them it’s so hard to remove yourself from the situation. People tend to feel bad for people who are still single when they’re in their late 20′s and beyond, but I’d much rather be single than in an awful relationship.
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Being in an awful relationship isn’t for anyone, mate.
There’s certainly lots of ways to get it fixed and often times they don’t work and, depending on how much the person means to you, requires you to keep on trying.
As I said though, if it’s just going to cause you sorrow and pain and bring no reward, it’s time to consider dumping the relationship and finding one that will bring joy and value.
Aayna
Relationships are a significant aspect of one’s life. None of us can lead a life without relations. I never had an idea that something like a toxic relationship could actually be a term to define a category of relationship. I am in a toxic relationship with a friend. Earlier we used to have a good equation, all of sudden all dynamics have changed. She has turned so hostile and always give me negative vibes that I prefer staying away from her. I completely lost faith in the friendship thing.
Mitch
Oh, I’ve had more than my fair share of toxic relationships in the past.
The best advice is get rid of them from your life and be open to something new to flow in.
Joe Seals
Toxic relationships were what I grew up in. My family was as toxic as they come, so I didn’t have to much of a choice. But after a few years of therapy. I don’t have many friends, but the ones that I do have are VERY healthy and I am in a very healthy marriage.
Thanks for this write up!
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Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Thanks so much for the visit and commenting, Joe – great to see you here.
Growing up in that environment must have certainly been tough going. Wonderful that you’ve got things sorted out now though.
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erwin
I hate people who talk a lot but do nothing. They just acted like a judge who is always commenting others.
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Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Care to elaborate a little more, erwin?
What are you referring to and does this fit into the relationship types I mentioned?
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