Talking Isn’t Talking
Read anything about what makes up a solid foundation for any couple and you’ll be told it’s about talking to each other.
Understanding one another and working through your differences is where all those potential problems are going to be squashed.
Think of when you’re single and you’ve got money issues.
You’ll probably ask friends or close family to help you out with advice in getting a solution in place so you can take the pain away, right?
When there’s two people involved in the same financial entanglement, it makes total sense to talk to them as well, yeah?
So That’s Talking But …
In that example, you’re talking about external stuff, aren’t you?
Question: What aren’t you doing?
Answer: You’re missing the ‘inside’ scoop!
As I said, there’s talking and then there’s real talking.
If all you’re doing is relaying what’s going on in the outside world, with facts and figures; and then talking about those situations then you might as well be chatting on Skype with a random person.
You’re living in an impersonal relationship, this is what you're doing.
Get Some Real Couple Communication Now
Still on the same financial challenge example, what do you now think real couple’s communication is likely to entail?
Feelings, nothing but those feelings … deep inside!
Certainly do the problem solving part in getting a solution BUT also discover things like:
- How the current struggle might be affecting the their outlook on life
- How do you think it might be handled differently, if there’s a next time
- Do they have any skills they might be able to better equip you with
- Emotionally, is it affecting them?
- When did it starting affecting them?
- Is it having an affect of their feelings towards you?
- Anyone else?
- Do they think you could have been more supportive towards them?
- Have a conversation (make sure it remains passive) if you think they could have supported you better
It’s Communication, Not Talking
When you get right down to it, too many couples babble on and on about shit that has no bearing on their ultimate outcomes.
Sure, it’s good to relay important information about daily events and pending struggles that might impact the family, the finances and your lifestyle. No doubt about that.
- Talking is surface dwelling
- Communication is the deep and meaningful stuff that a lot of people are afraid to share.
- Without that sharing, you’re just dwelling!
- The relationship is simply stagnating and coasting along, without direction
Which would you rather have?
Which is, ultimately, going to the more fulfilling and life enriching? (Hint: If you pick talking, you're doing it all wrong)
How Often DO You Both Share?
It’s the most difficult to do, yeah, I know.
People can’t and sometimes won’t drop their guard, to let others inside.
It can be a built-up unconscious habit they’re unaware of.
If you're not doing the ‘share' thing, it is never too late to start either.
Once you recognise it's important.
Start slow and be mild towards your significant other – chances are it might come as a real shock so steady as she goes!
Speak Your Mind Because I Know You Have One
- Is your partner totally sharing with you?
- Do you suspect they’re bottling some stuff up?
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