don't screw up your magical relationship

In The Beginning …

I’ve written volumes on how to go about finding ‘that perfect someone’ in your life.

It’s what we all want, isn’t it?

Answer: YES!


That’s The Beginning Of A Soulmate and Possibly the End Too

If you are lucky enough to actually find the proverbial ‘needle in the haystack’, with a person that loves you at their very core, chances are you’ll also be in the large percentage of people who will also fuck it up too.

Here’s how you’re going to play it out:

  1. Oh wow, they are just who I’ve always wanted in my life
  2. You’ll have some wonderful talks about your differences and why you love each other
  3. You’ll put on your own ‘rose colour end glasses’ and start looking at them as you did with your past partners
  4. You’ll start blaming them, based on your own history and beliefs
  5. You won’t bother to take stock of yourself
  6. You’ll believe you are right in your own suspicions
  7. Your own previous personal baggage will slowly and innocuously start to poison what should truly be magical
  8. Your soulmate is their own separate person who loves you but you’re probably being a real asshole by now
  9. What was once a magical experience has now been turned into a steaming pile of shit – guess what you did wrong, dickhead?


Did You Ever Once Think You Needed the Work?

In life, it is so easy to think you have all the answers.

That’s a natural human reaction because none of us want to admit we might have made a mistake.

In a relationship, the opposite is actually true.

Mistakes are common and also natural, in a relationship.

You’re dealing with so many variables that it’s impossible to ever think that you’ll get every nuance and situation right.

But you can’t help but think you’re right, can you?

it's easy to destroy the love you once had, through stubborn pride
It’s easy to destroy the love you once had, through stubborn pride


Screw Up Time 1-on–1

If you’re the type of person who can’t (or won’t) admit or even see you’ve made a mistake, then you’re going to be doomed in every relationship you’re going to have.

Who wants to live with a know-it-all who can’t budge from their own limiting belief system?

When have you actually sat down and been honest with yourself?

Have you ever sat down somewhere quiet and wrote down a list of the times you’ve been a potentially arrogant turd, to someone that really loves you.

For that matter, are you thinking right now that you’ve never done that because if you are thinking that then you’re an even bigger asshole.


Personal Experience Talks

Without going into the challenges of my current relationship, I can tell you that I was a dickhead in my first marriage.

It broke up after 26 years and I was to blame, partially, but who cares on the percentages.

I was there, it broke down and I take responsibility.

I spent an enormous amount of time after the breakup to simply take stock of my wrong-doings as well as my own personal WTF To-Do list in getting my shit together.

Inflicting pain and heartbreak on someone else is terrible and just plain wrong.

Would you want yourself to be on the receiving end?


What’s Next?

  1. If you’re able to even think you have a relationship responsibility then keep reading
  2. If you think you’re right in what you’re doing then fuck off and go read the Huffington Post’s Fashion Section
  3. Sit down and be prepared to be tough on yourself
  4. Think of EVERY situation where you’ve had a relationship conflict
  5. Now take responsibility yourself for it
  6. What did YOU that brought on the problem?
  7. What didn’t you do that could have resolved it, peacefully.
  8. If you think you don’t have baggage then think again
  9. What’s the baggage that IS destroying what should be magical and beautiful?
  10. This isn’t anything to do with your soulmate, this is all about where, why and how YOU are screwing things up


Flat Out, Be Better Than You Are Now

There are few people that are willing and open to admit they’re wrong.

Even fewer are in relationships.


Speak Your Mind Because I Know You Have One

  • What are you willing to do?
  • And why are you willing to do it?
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Soulmates: How To Screw It All Up 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

14 thoughts on “Soulmates: How To Screw It All Up”
  1. Hello Martin,

    Thank you for this great article! Hello Kady,

    Thank you for sharing your story! Hello Chris,

    Thank you for this great article! Hello Jia Ni,

    Your post put a smile on my face, thank you! Hello,

    Thank you for this great article! Soulmates are simply individuals we have met in past lives and because of our karmic connection with them, we will meet them again in this lifetime. This explains why we feel so familiar with them when we meet them for the first time along with all the tension and intensity of the connection. The problem is that we usually mess up such a connection because we have unresolved emotional issues with our soulmates from our past lives. Now add our personal baggage in this lifetime which usually has to do with ego issues or low self esteem. That attitude can “kill” our soulmate connection and this is the reason why we should work on a personal level before we even attempt to start dating our soulmates.

    It was a pleasure connecting with you today! Wishing you all the best!


    1. If only I had found this post a year ago…. Hmmmph….

      I was exactly what is described here as NOT to be.

      It took almost a year to realize on my own that I’m the one who screwed myself …. But once I had the epiphany it was already too late. …

      Do we get more than one soulmate in a lifetime….?

      So here’s to finding you In the next life my love! And to hoping I can retain some of the lessons I’ve gathered in this go-’round.

      Until then I remain sad and alone… With true distain for myself and my actions.

      I’m sorry is NEVER enough and it’s always ‘too little too late’.

      Pray for me y’all….
      THIS is misery and torture of an existence; knowing I won’t find anything that holds a candle to my soulmate ever again- why even bother?

      I am the asshole after all..

  2. I had to listen to the song as soon as I finished reading, its a classic!I think you need to be in control (to some extent) of your own thoughts, feeling and empathy with others. The only way you can have a successful relationship is through teamwork.

    1. Great last line there and very true.
      It takes real teamwork to make a successful relationship. A work in progress of two people with the same goals, working together to make them happen.

  3. I agree, mainly because it takes two to create the good things or the problems in any relationship. As the only person you can ever change is yourself you have to start there and make good things happen by being the loving one. With a bit of luck and good will your partner will follow your lead. If they don’t, at least you tried and didn’t just let things get messed up.

    1. Yes indeed Ana, it always takes two to tango, doesn’t it?
      And you certainly can’t make someone want to dance with you, despite your desires and intentions. Sadly.
      That’s the nature of people.

  4. Absolutely so so right, Martin.
    I know when I started dating, I was always judging one guy by the guy that came before him. Just stupid stuff but it’s really easy to happen. I simply didn’t even know I was doing it until my current boyfriend, Eric, pointed out to me that he was his own guy and not all the flunkies that came before him.
    That was my eye-opener and I’m so grateful Eric said it and even more grateful I was in the right space to listen and understand what I needed to do.
    I needed to forget and start again lol

      1. i believe that created is the thing which you are forcing yourself to do or you start loving someone due to his calm or beauty and made is the thing which is made up by nature you do not have to do anything for it its just made for you

        1. Oh ok hang on, I think I’m starting to get what you’re saying.
          By ‘created’, you mean that that person was created just for you … in the beginning and so was always destined to be your soulmate.
          Is that kind of what you’re saying?

          1. yes absolutely you are right . this is the thing which i am trying to explain . actually the relations are nowadays taking a new turn around because people are trying to make love with the persons who they want to make . we do not have to go with someones looks glamor and money we have to fall in love with the person who is actually made for us

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