This is a guest post by Michael Andrews. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here.
So What Is Swinging?
Swinging: a word used to describe exploring sexual activity with people other than your spouse or partner. It’s usually with the consent of your partner, and in fact also usually WITH your partner. It might include threesomes with another man or woman, but most often ‘swinging’ refers to ‘playing’ (swapping partners) with another couple.
Maybe It’s Controversial To You
Well maybe you already knew all this. But the question is – what thoughts come to YOUR mind when you hear the word ‘swinging’? And what are your thoughts around the idea of trying swinging in your own relationship?
Whatever your reaction, your thoughts probably come down to one thing:
Most people who aren’t into swinging would probably assume it to be harmful, but here’s the interesting thing: most swingers themselves say that is actually benefits their relationship, creating greater intimacy and love between them.
The key to understanding this – and to realizing that swinging can be good for your relationship – is to think about what ‘successful’ swinging actually is and isn’t.
These are the common elements I have found from observing swinging couples:
Maintain High Values
Swingers have their relationship as the highest priority in their lives. These couples realize that there is nothing that has a greater impact on the quality of their life than the quality of their relationship. So they put a lot of effort into it. They share common values and interests. They spend a lot of time together and have a genuine concern to see that the needs of the other are met.
Sharing New Experiences
Swinging is about sharing new experiences together as a couple. Relationships are no different to any other aspect of our lives – if we don’t do anything new things are going to go stale.
For these couples expressing and enjoying their sexuality is highly important.
Enjoying new and exciting sexual experiences together is an important way to keep their relationship growing.
Explore and Trust
Swingers have an unusually high degree of communication and trust in their relationship. To be able to allow your partner to fully express themselves sexually takes a very high degree of trust. You have to know that your relationship is rock solid and that your partner would never see anyone else as more special than you.
There is nothing more wonderful than when a relationship gets to the stage that your greatest wish and joy is to allow your partner to explore whatever they want on their life journey of self discovery. We’re all sexual beings, and most/all of us have fantasies.
What greater role is there in a relationship than for it to be a place where we can grow to our own full potential with safety, love and support.
Sharing The Spice
Swinging is all about your relationship, not other people. It’s really about sharing new sexual experiences as a couple (things that require more than just the two of you). Successful swinging is never about ‘filling in the gaps’ in your relationship. Really happy swingers already have great sex lives; the swinging just adds spice.
Caveats To Swinging
So done right, swinging really can add tremendously to your relationship.
But my advice is don’t even think about it until you agree to put your relationship first and focus on creating deep communication with your spouse or partner.
Can you talk to them about anything without fear of them being upset or disapproving?
If you can, you might just find swinging could be a wonderful enhancement. If you can’t, then whether you want to try swinging or not, your relationship is not what it could be.
Have Your Say
Author Bio: Michael Andrews is a relationships coach and author who specializes in sexuality issues for couples. If you are interested in learning more about strategies to deepen your relationship (whether you’re interested in trying swinging or not) visit Become A Swinger